A SPOOKY story
For writing Mrs Clark my teacher, gave as another photo like she did last week, but this week was much harder. We had to write a story instead of a paragraph. At the start of the week when she gave as the photo my mind went blank. MY teacher showed us a web site and what a piece of good writing our age looks like. After we all had finished writing our stories we self assessed and peer assessed. Here is the picture, my story and the assessment.
WALT: Use precise adjectives in our writing to add interest to our readers
Midnight Murder
One Grey misty night on Halloween, My friend and I was walking on our last street. We were trick or treaty, my friend Jesabell spotted a creepy abandoned school I told my friend we should go in but Jesabell was scared “There ccould be ggghosts” said Jesabell, I told her ghosts aren't real and she was being ridiculous but I was soon to learn… I went into the school, Jesabell being a scaredy cat followed me, as soon as we took a step into the school CREEK!! “ WWhat was ttthat” Whispered Jesabell in a scared voice “ Don’t be a big baby it’s just the floor silly” I told her.
One Grey misty night on Halloween, My friend and I was walking on our last street. We were trick or treaty, my friend Jesabell spotted a creepy abandoned school I told my friend we should go in but Jesabell was scared “There ccould be ggghosts” said Jesabell, I told her ghosts aren't real and she was being ridiculous but I was soon to learn… I went into the school, Jesabell being a scaredy cat followed me, as soon as we took a step into the school CREEK!! “ WWhat was ttthat” Whispered Jesabell in a scared voice “ Don’t be a big baby it’s just the floor silly” I told her.
In the coiner of a room with only one whitish old fashioned wooden chair in it was an even older grandfather clock. The clock strikes 12 DING!! I hear a faint scream behind me. I looked around Jesabell was nowhere to be seen. All I could hear was an crackly evil laugh HA HA HA!! I turned around blackness fell that is all I ever saw again…
SELF ASSESSMENT
Things I think I have done well are:
A variety of punctuation
Used great adjectives
Painting a good picture in the reader's mind
What I think I need to work on
Make all my words and sentences make sense
Pear assessment
I think you have you great adjectives
And a great start for a story
And made it really interesting like perhaps this sentence was good
One Grey misty night on Halloween
But Next time you could make have a little bit more sense
And a bit more nouns verbs and adverbs
But otherwise it was great.
Hi Angelina, it's me Kyra from Totara 3. I like your post about your spooky story because some of the ways you described Jesabell in your writing.
ReplyDeleteThis reminds me of describing different characters in a story. One time I described someone as a cat because he was tapping his ipad like a cat chasing a mouse.
Maybe next time you could make sure you reread your sentences. Awesome story! He Whetu Koe!
From Kyra
Hi Angelina,
ReplyDeleteKyah here from mamaku 2.
I like the way you did a spooky story it is an amazing story about midnight murder but the ending bit is a spooky.
what was your favourite part of doing the story? mine would probably be making it.
and i will agree with you it does look like an abandon school.
Keep up the good work ang cya next time.
I hope to see more spooky story's Byee